Untitled, a photo by clair_voyant
What I see you cannot even imagine.
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I know that you can read this. And that your eyes run along the lining of these letters, blinking and moving on…. as this vision becomes meaning, you hear your own voice in your head or maybe you try to imagine mine.
And I’m struggling, friend. I’m truly struggling to explain to you through your burden of vision, constant need to see, to envision everything… I try to explain to you my world, my view.
You see, I live in ambience. A very soundfull, moving ambience of an eternity where I recognize people by their smell, their manner of breathing and the softest side-tone of their voice.
This is a gift.
People who see are so dazzled by what they see that they ignore the rest of the beauty. They will probably never hear and feel the magical vibration of each and every single piano key. Even when the music stops I still hear the aftertaste of music.
You live as an eye, I live as a new and special kind of organ that senses everything at the same time.
… I smelled a certain kind of hair-tone. I heard a flatter of eyelashes, like a tinted blue butterfly, (even though I don’t know that color). I felt the humidity of her eyes. The smoothness of her skin. The movement of her bones. The stretch of each muscle. A beating heart. Breathes, in and out of a warm smell of a female body. The radiance of heat and slight perfume. It grew and shrank with the pulsing of her veins.
Her phone rang and she answered. A voice of honey tea that didn’t ring, or sing or echo but swayed and vibrated. Like piano keys.
As she went on talking on the phone on this bus in this city in this world in a whole universe, I felt alone and pressured by beings and people. I only needed that certain creation sitting right in front of me.
I sensed and caressed every single second so quickly, so slowly. I felt and was aware of everything around me. I have never been so awake. At the same time I have never felt so asleep and stunned, and in a dream.
And it all comes together, multiplies, mixes up and turns into chaos until…….
you reach a certain point that you feel nothing. You are numb and senseless.
And I realized for the first time entirely that… I don’t need to see her.
Listening to Bach – Saint Mathew Passion: Introduction
© Ani Boghossian
