I have so much to write to you… stories, proses, letters, confessions… I don’t feel like doing it right now though. I’m sorry.
I don’t know why I feel this way. Really. I am so slow and time is so fast… it’s like I’m waiting for something. I feel good about the future, no matter how I feel right now.
…I don’t know if you exist Cornelius, I wish you did, and could read this and answer me…
I feel lonely.
Funny, isn’t it? I always say I love solitude. But I feel lonely even in my mind. I have no one there… not right now at least.
There once used to be a voice there and I never felt lonely… that voice was mine, probably, but now I’m silent and that voice is gone too… I feel like I have no one in the whole universe. I feel really sad. I wonder if God feels the same way.
I know He is always with me. But He is silent now… I try to pray, I really do. But I fail….
Cornelius, I think that if you wrote to me, I would be a bit happier. But you don’t exist.
Listening to Jeff Buckley _ Lilac Wine